Drunken Dreams
by butterfly2202
Summary: Two best friends , A night out with the guys and one very drunk Alex, is this the start of more then friendship, or just a dream. Alex/Olivia. This is my first Fan-Fic enjoy.
1. drunken dreams

Sitting at A table in their favorite bar, Olivia watched as the guys each took another shot. She was happy to be drinking her jack and coke and laughing as the guys kept knocking them back. However, she was not alone in her small discontentment of their behavior because on the other side of the table sat one of the most beautiful woman Liv had ever seen. Tall, blonde, a perfect smile and the greatest mix of sexy , sarcastic and brains she had ever known. This was Alexandra Cabot the woman she had wanted from the first moment she saw her. They had some ups and downs but had become really close one would almost call them best friends. Olivia hadn't noticed but she must have been staring at the blonde sipping her white wine because her partner Elliot nudged her arm a bit.

"Well if you're going to stare you could at least buy her a drink." she said just audible to her ear

"Oh shut it." she smarted back hitting him in the shoulder and giving him a death glare.

Elliot had guessed that she had some sort of feelings for Alex but hadn't been able to get her to confirm them and maybe that was because she didn't know them for herself. Liv and El had been in a staring contest that when they looked back at the table Fin had just slid Alex another shot. The woman was already on her second glass of wine and now her third shot she was defiantly tipsy.

" I think I need the little girls room" Alex said in her giggle voice which she only got when she was drunk she stood up from her chair and almost feel right back into it. Liv immediately jumped up and reached for her friend holding her close.

"Ok restroom first then maybe we should get you home." she told the blonde

"Liv, I'm fine, really." she said standing on her own and then reaching across the table to grab a shot that Fin was about to drink.

"No fair that was mine." he called to her as Olivia was pulling her to the restroom, holding her up, as she could now barley walk in her heels.

Maybe Alex took this case a little harder then Liv had thought. But she had won it for them, she was Amazing in court and that child raping, murdering bastard was in jail. Alex should be happy that's why they were all out celebrating but Liv knew her best friend to well and right now, whatever was going on in Alex's head was not anything good. She helped her to the restroom and waited by the sink.

"Thank you." Alex told her as she washed up "think I over did it." she asked.

"Maybe just a bit." She told her as she placed a hand on her shoulder "let's get you home."

And with that Alex fell into her arms feeling herself get dizzy and nearly black out. Liv wrapped her up and they went back to the table, said good bye to the boys who had just ordered another round, grabbed their bags and went outside. Alex so fragile and helpless looked up from Olivia's arms and smiled.

"You're amazing" she whispered.

Olivia just smiled as she petted the blonde's hair she knew in that moment she had wanted to kiss the woman but knew she couldn't. She shook off the overwhelming feeling she had and hailed a cab.

"Where to lady's" the cabbie asked. Liv was about to say Alex's address when a hand cover her mouth and the blonde gave him Liv's instead.

She looked down at the beautiful woman lying in her lap confused.

"Please liv I don't want to go home" those glisten blue eyes looking up at her.

"Ok, ok you can spend the night with me" she told Alex.

While having this conversation they hadn't realized they were already outside the detective's apartment building they paid the cabby and headed up stairs. Liv having to hold Alex up as they climbed the stairs they got to the door and even before it was fully open. The blonde had pushed herself inside and darted strait for the bathroom she could hear her throwing up again but she couldn't help but laugh. The most, cool ,calm, collected, hard-ass she knew was sitting on her bathroom floor completely wasted. She grabbed a glass from the kitchen and headed for the bathroom.

"Alex" she called as she cracked open the door the woman on her knees leaning into the toilet just turned. The look in her eyes said what she couldn't at the moment ' I'm so sorry I'm behaving like a child.' The brunette nodded and filled the glass with water and held it out to Alex.

"Drink up" she spoke soft and comforting the woman did as she was told.

After another hour it seemed there was nothing in her system left to toss. She leaned back onto the floor exhausted Liv sitting by her side, Laughing.

"I don't think I have been the drunk except the day I passed the bar exam." Alex said.

"Yeah it's a bit past law school hun" liv smarted back, "come on let's get you to bed." The detective stood and went towards the door.

"Liv" Alex called trying not to giggle

"Yes "

"I can't get up"

Olivia turned back toward her friend and leaned over her for a moment the scooped her up in her arms, Alex was shocked Liv could hold her but it's not like the woman was very heavy anyway. Alex felt strange being in Liv's arms but yet too tired to fight it. She curled her head into the others chest and closed her eyes. It was only for a little while that Liv held the woman she had a giant crush on, but that bit of time was all it took this was the woman she wanted to love, the one who needed to be cared for, the one who so desperately needed to be loved. She set the blonde on the bed and began to take off her sweat covered clothes leaving her only in her tank top and panties. Alex smiled

"Well detective are you planning on taking advantage of me" Alex whispered as she lay back in the bed, she was joking after all or was she.

Olivia knew how much she wanted that to be true but even if somewhere inside of Alex was any desire for the brunette; she had too much respect for her to even consider it. She pulled the blankets up and tucked her in.

"Wouldn't dream of it" she whispered as she leaned in to kiss Alex's for head but in that moment Alex moved her head and their lips meet each other's. Liv pulled back rather confused she reached for the extra blanket and headed to the door she was sure she was sleeping on the couch tonight but a small voice stopped her.

"it's ok to dream" Alex said before all but passing out.


	2. Alex's Nightmare

Her heart pounding, her body sweating and her eyes crying, she shot up in the bed that was not hers and let out a loud cry. She had fallen asleep so peacefully in her drunken state last night that she was even shocked by her rude awakening nightmares were nothing new for the ADA but she felt even worse about this one because this time she was not alone, she was not in her bed or with her things she was here and just as that thought crossed her mind there she was standing in the doorway her eyes shining her whole body wrapped in the rays of sunlight just beginning to peek in through the windows her hair tossed so it just fell perfectly and a concerned smile on her face.

"My angel" Alex whispered only to her ear.

"Alex, are you ok" Olivia spoke softly as not to frighten the woman.

"yes I'm ok , I'm sorry Liv I didn't mean to wake you" Alex replied her heart sinking in her chest , this was her best friend and a woman she was pretty sure she had feelings for and she had cared for her in her drunken childish state last night and this is how I repay her she thought.

"It's ok Alex, I'm just glad you're safe" the detective spoke as she crossed to the edge of the bed and sat down at Alex's feet. Reaching a hand and placing it on the blonde's leg she didn't want to move to quickly as she really wasn't sure what the nightmare had been about.

"Want to talk about it" she asked the woman lying in her bed.

By now a million thoughts were dancing around in her head, what was her nightmare was it really that bad. How drunk was she last night what had she done what had she said did any of it matter the kiss she remembered the kiss. She shook her head and a small tear ran down her cheek she was so drunk last night but liv was still here she hadn't scared her off; then again it was Olivia's apartment. She looked up to see those bright brown eyes looking deep into hers, did she have feelings to did she want to kiss her now she smiled when she noticed she hadn't answered the question yet.

"you know I don't even know what it was about" she said with a bit calmer tone as she reached her hand out and placed it on top of Liv's never breaking eye contact." I'm so sorry about last night, how can I ever repay you" what she meant to say was_ 'how I can ask if you love me, if you want me if I'm not crazy'_ but in her mind those words were crazy and she knew it.

"Lex come on your my best friend no thanks needed, it happens to all of us sometimes. But know that if you ever want to talk about anything I'm here" the cop smiled as she slid her hand out from the other she could see a slight bit of confusion in Alex's eyes "how about some coffee"

Alex nodded .

Alex pulled the sheets suddenly aware she only had on her bra and panties she looked around for her suit that she had last night but it was nowhere to be seen then she saw them folded on her dresser a pair of jeans and a t shirt. Alex knew that Liv had left them there for her last night her suit must be in the wash. The blonde couldn't help but smile she put the outfit on and oddly enough they fit perfectly which Alex thought was weird given they were not even close to the same size. She walked out to the living room and sat down on the couch watching Olivia pour them coffee. The detective walked over and handed her the cup.

"Thanks" Alex spoke.

"You're welcome" Liv replied as she sat down next to Alex.

Taking a sip of her coffee Liv began to speak Alex was glad she wouldn't even know where to begin.

"Your suit is in the wash by the way, glad you found the clothes" she told her.

"They are nice, but how is it that if these are yours they fit me perfectly" the ADA questioned.

Olivia took a few more sips of her drink before answering with a laugh.

"Ok don't get mad or anything. She said in a giggly tone "they are not mine, the belong to someone I care about very much"

Alex could feel her heart sink _'of course liv was with someone who was she kidding a woman like that'_

"Oh will she mind" the blue eyed woman spoke with just a hint of heart break in her voice

"You know I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know they are gone, which is a shame because she looks so dam sexy in that pair of jeans" Liv said jokingly

Just when Alex was near tears she had made a complete fool of herself last night hell she had kissed Liv now she had to sit here and listen to the woman she would give anything to be with talk about another. She was so lost in her own head she hadn't realized that Olivia was now next her and had her hand firmly on Alex's thigh the blonde tilted her head and looked into the others eyes.

"Who is she" she said in confusion.

Liv knew at this point Alex clearly was not following and was beginning to become hurt she spoke in an upbeat tone hoping maybe she would make her best friend smile with her words.

"Just this Amazing, stunning ,brilliant, wonderful, blonde" Liv said brushing Alex's hair out of her face there it was that one small tear that fell from those blue eyes but liv kept talking " Talented , ADA oh and my best friend who happen to get insanely drunk last night and slept in my bed" she laughed.

This time Alex did smile and laugh at how silly she had just been but wait did that mean she has feelings for more she just said all this lovely things and the blonde could now feel Liv's hand gliding across the jeans.

"But how long have you had these" she asked trying not to hold her head down in shame

"You left a bag at the station about a year ago, I meant to give them back but kept forgetting" the brunette replied.

"Ok I'm sorry I was acting childish again, I promise I am a mature classy woman" she smiled as she picked up her coffee cup and drank it with her pinky in the air.

Both girls burst into laughter happy to just have moment to forget that life was serious, but that hope was shattered by the words that filled the apartment next. Words Alex would have liked not to hear because she had no way of responding. But Liv spoke them anyway.

"So about that kiss"


	3. Black Out

A/N Hey yall thanks so much for the reviews follows and favs, it really means a lot. I know I am not the best writer but I am glad you like the story. I had to ways for this chapter to go but I went with this one I hope you like it. Thanks for the support sorry this update took a while I had a death of a family friend and some other life things and I'm just a slow writer well anyway enjoy.

Her body froze and her eyes locked to the detective who had just asked the question. Alex may have been really drunk last night but she did know what she was doing; now her only problem was to explain it.

"Liv I …. I … I was drunk" was all the blonde could manage to say she wasn't sure if the feelings would be returned but then again how could liv had just said all those nice things.

"Oh ok then" Liv replied as she pulled her hand away from the blonde and let her head glance down in sheer disappointment. She slid to the far end of the couch and there was pure silence between the women. Which was only broken by a loud crack of thunder followed by a giant down pour, Alex jumped into the air she hated thunderstorms she let out a small whimper.

"It's ok Alex, you can stay till it stops if you want" Olivia spoke without looking at her.

"Thanks" she replied trying to figure out why liv wouldn't look at her, had she did something was liv mad at her.

Olivia had walked to the window to look outside the rain was pounding the windows and the lightning was positively blinding. The streets had already begun to flood this was not going to be a quick storm and now she was trapped in her apartment with the woman she wanted more than anything that she was to embarrassed to look at. She sat back on the couch Alex still hadn't moved she wished she could say something but yelling I love you please hold me just didn't seem right.

"here" liv said handing Alex the remote "watch something I'm going to take a shower" all the time never making eye contact which in Alex's mind was a good thing because right then a large tear fell down her cheek.

"Liv wait" Alex finally spoke as Olivia hit her bedroom door.

She turned and stared at Alex with a look that said now what do you want. Alex took a deep breath losing to fight back more tears.

"Are you that afraid of the storm" she asked trying to lighten up her expression, angry or not this was still her best friend sitting on her couch crying.

Alex shook her head "I'm afraid of losing you" those ice blue eyes glittering and her pale skin shaking.

"what are you talking about I'm right here" she asked the crying blonde was this some hangover thing or was this Alex the real Alex, the scared and loving kind hearted person that no one ever gets to see. She moved to sit on the arm of the couch across from the younger attorney and gave her a rather concerned look.

"Please just stay" Alex spoke as she moved her hand to the empty spot on the couch. She didn't really know what else to do but she couldn't let her leave she was afraid that even if she left the room any chance they had would be washed away with the rain which was beginning to get worse. She looked to the window and then to Liv who had grabbed the remote off the table and flipped the news on.

"Storm of the century, all non-essential personal stay inside, do not leave your homes" flashed across the screen this meant that unless Liv got a call for a major emergency they were both staying put. Liv slid down onto the couch and turned on the DVD player.

"Movie" she asked the blonde who simply nodded her head. Liv just hit play not really knowing what movie was in there but it was a happy surprise when it turned out to be Alex's favorite 'legally blonde'. Both girls couldn't help but laugh when the title popped up however it did lighten the mood a bit and gave Alex a chance to speak.

"Don't even say it Liv." she shoot those ice beams out of those lovely blue eyes. "You know it's my favorite and you know I am not a shallow ditsy blonde" she spouted.

"Of course not "they both laughed then they sat for the next half of the movie silently it was getting later in the afternoon now and the sky was growing darker the rain hadn't let up one single bit. But neither woman had even noticed, Alex was to content, her eyes focused on the screen reciting every word and Olivia so intent on watching Alex the way her hair fell around her shoulders ,the way her lips moved ,those soft pink lips that she had kissed last night and that stunning focus the blonde held it was at that moment Liv was so lost watching Alex she hadn't noticed the woman was now watching her. Both burst into laughter they were glad that things seemed normal after only a few hours ago Alex was crying. They held the stare in each other's eyes wondering who was going to speak but neither knew what to say when there gaze fell back to the TV the movie had ended.

"Aw we missed the best part" Alex whined

Liv gave one of her eye rolls and laughed "I think I had my own blonde to watch" she said placing her hand in the center of the couch. Alex saw her hand there the hand that had comforted her so many times she wanted to hold it now but she knew she had to explain first.

"Liv I am truly sorry"

"About what" the detective asked

"My behavior earlier" she told her

"Whatever are you talking about, you had a nightmare you were scared and you hate storms Lex" Trying to laugh it off.

"I mean your question… the kiss" Alex said holding her head down in shame.

Liv sighed she didn't know what to say, then again she also knew that Alex's voice had that I'm not done tone, it was soft but it was there.

Still not looking up because she did not want to see what the expression that Olivia's face would hold she spoke.

"How do I say this, how do I tell you, I, mean it's crazy, you can't, you're not, I'm not, the job, the guys our bosses" she kept rambling on and on. Liv found this whole thing very cute but decided to put an end to it.

"Lex" she said firmly placing one hand on the blondes chin forcing eye contact "calm down…. Please"

Alex was silent and she nodded her head and looked into Olivia's eyes as one small tear again fell out of those ice blue eyes.

"Don't cry Lexi "Liv said as she reached her hand up and placed it on the others cheek using her thumb to brush away the tear.

The hand on her cheek felt war and soft she didn't want it to leave she moved her hand so it was now on top of Liv's and she whispered.

"I think I love you"

"I know" said the brunette

"No Liv "she said moving their hands in-between them and adding the other two " I mean I… am in love with you"

"I know" Liv said again. Alex's eyes became sad once more she was certainly not getting the response she wanted out of the woman.

"well I'm glad you know" the blonde said in her most sarcastic tone as she released hands and got up and walked over to the window she looked up at the almost pitch black sky. Liv was shocked but knew that for even as smart as Alex was sometimes she did miss the obvious. Liv rose to her feet and walked over to the blonde wrapped her arms around the taller woman's waist, leaned up on her toes and whispered.

"No Lexi, I meant …I know I am in love with you" and kissed the woman on the neck.

Alex turned with a smile and walked Olivia back to the couch still in each other's arms and pushed her onto it, liv giggled and Alex leaned onto and kissed her slow and deep their hands interlaced and their breath growing weaker. They had both wanted this for a long time and could feel the energy between them. Alex finally sat up and helped up Liv still holding hands they knew there were no words that seemed good enough to say but smiles.

"I have loved you from the moment I saw you" Liv told her.

"it may have taken me a little longer" she smiled

They both laughed but there laughed was soon interrupted by a large roar of thunder and a crack of lightning and the, oh so familiar sound of a power outage. Neither woman caring they were now sitting in the dark Alex asked the question.

"Where does this leave us" she said.

"Well in the dark for now" Liv laughed

Both girls burst into a laughing fit once more and laid back onto the couch cuddled in each other's arms.


	4. TRUTH or dare

**A/N ::: Hey everyone, thanks for sticking with me on this your support means a lot. *this chapter is a bit longer and rather dark* I wasn't sure I wanted the story to go like this but it felt right writing it so I hope you enjoy as always thanks and please leave a review-**

* * *

They were on that couch for what seemed like forever, which for both girls was just fine. They lay there wrapped in each other's arms not talking not kissing just lying. The room was so silent that all they could hear was the patter of the now fading raindrops and the fast passed beats of each other's hearts both took comfort in the fact that they could be so close and just need to be held. It was after a good two hours that Alex finally spoke however the words that came from those prefect pink lips were not what liv would have wanted to hear.

"Um Liv"

"Yes Lex"

"This may sound bad"

"Please don't leave "she interjected.

"Oh heavens no, I just really need to pee"

Both woman burst out laughing liv mainly out of feeling so stupid but at least they both knew now that the insecurities were on both sides. Olivia released her grip on Alex and handed her a cell phone flipping to the flashlight app.

"Here"

"Thanks, I'll be right back" the blonde stood and turned to the bathroom "don't go anywhere" she laughed.

"Wouldn't dream of it" Liv sat up on the couch draping her hand over the armrest as she stared in the blondes direction. It was still too dark to see anything but that was ok Liv had just spent the past two hours running her hand along that perfect body she didn't need to see, but dam did it look good. Alex came out a few minutes later, still holding the phone as the flash light she sat on the couch across from Liv. She set the phone flashlight side up in the middle of the sofa both women were looking into the others eyes the light making them glow even more than normal.

"How long do we think the power will be out" Alex asked.

"Not sure, it should be fixed soon"

"That's good" she spoke, with a sort of uneasy tone in her voice.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing really, believe me its stupid"

"Are you sure, is it something I did" Liv was conserved if she had done anything to upset Alex.

"No no no , your wonderful it's just um" even in the dim lighting it was clear to see the tears that were forming behind those ice blue eyes. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"You can tell me anything Lexi"

"Promise not to laugh its really rather embarrassing"

"Oh course, cops honor I mean come on what are you afraid of the dark too " she giggled.

"You said you wouldn't laugh"

"Wait your serious" she could tell by the lack of response from Alex that this was true, she looked to the blonde who was holding her head in shame. Alex knew her fears were silly well to most people to most people who didn't know her past and that's what she had to tell herself, that this beautiful woman in front of her only knew the very first layer behind the mask not the muscle and bones beneath. The blonde let a few tears fall more at the memories that held her fears then having the love of her giggle. Olivia could see it in those eyes she loved so much the pain and terror there was more to the story than the attorney was saying but she didn't want to pry. She reached for Alex's arm tugging at it till the girl caved in and slid over to her; she placed one hand under her chin and looked her in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know tell you what, you sit here and I'll go get some candles and a few glasses of wine then we can play a game."

Alex did not speak but nodded her head she knew now that if she was ever going to have a chance at keeping Liv she would need to tell the truth. Things she would just rather soon forget she knew Liv's greatest secret she was the product of rape but all of the things she had been though made her who she was. Alex didn't know if she felt the same about her own past or not. While Alex was drifting into the depths of her mind Olivia was scurrying around lighting every candle she could find after about five minutes the glow in the apartment was about as bright as Times Square on New Year's. Liv poured two glasses of white wine and sat back on the couch.

"Better?" she asked.

"Thank you "she said as she took her hand in hers. "So about this game"

"Yeah what would you like checkers, cards backgammon"

"No I stink at all of those how about truth or dare"

"Really what are we teenage girls at a slumber party"

"Come on please"

"Really"

"Yes really now truth or dare"

"Fine dare" she was going along with this seeing as Alex was smiling again and she would do anything to see that amazing smile.

"OK hum hum hum , alright I dare you to to uh kiss me" she smiled

"Oh this kind of truth or dare" she leaned over and kissed the blonde slow and deep she pulled back and smiled.

"Your turn truth or dare"

"Truth"

Olivia was puzzled by her answer not the way she thought this game was going but maybe alex wanted to tell her something but then again why didn't she just do that. Maybe she needed Liv to ask the right questions. She really didn't know but asked the first thing that came to her mind.

"What's one thing you hate?"

"Being called Lexi" the girl saw the hurt in Liv's eyes it was her favorite nickname for her.

"You never said anything before"

"Look liv that's because there are only a few people who have ever called me that and they were both people who loved me very much. They were people I loved and cared for, that's why I love it when it comes from you because it means you care enough to want to be different"

Olivia smiled she was happy that the so called Ice queen was breaking her walls down she wasn't sure what to say next.

"Truth" she said hoping that continuing the game would get them somewhere.

"Ok" Alex smiled "how old were you your first time"

"Alex" liv questioned

"You said truth or truth it is"

"Why do you want to know that anyway?"

"Just answer the question detective" turning on her courtroom voice.

"Fine fourteen"

"Wow"

"Yeah I know, believe me if I could take it back I would"

"Ok um I pick truth"

Liv knew at this point there were more than likely not going to be any more dare's in this game she didn't want to upset Alex but there had been a question she had been dying to ask.

"What are your nightmares about" Alex froze once again she knew what liv was asking and knew the answer well work of course. Was not going to be accepted the girl had been haunted by nightmares longer then she really cared to remember but she knew getting out of this was not about to happen.

"My childhood"

Both women looked at each other studying the others face if they were in an interrogation this would be one sight to see they both knew the game was over and as much as those words were meant to stay in her head, they didn't.

"Why" Liv asked confused as to what could be so wrong with her perfect best friend the pretty blonde born with a sliver spoon.

She fought back tears but she began to speak slow and steady, a speech pattern she had heard many a victim use but she was not a victim of anything she was Alexandra Cabot and she was not a victim.

"There are things that no one knows about me a lot of things in fact"

"Lexi I didn't mean, if you don't want to tell me you don't have too"

"no I need to just please there are some rules here ok " Liv nodded " one you don't get to look at me any different than you do right now, two you do not ever breath a word of this to anyone, and three you don't get to hate me"

"Alex, nothing you tell me could ever and I repeat ever make me hate you" she leaned in and kissed her.

The blonde brought her fingers to lips as if she really thought that would be the last kiss she ever got from Liv because after what she was about to say how could anyone love her, want her, she was damaged and broken she knew telling this story would be hard but she did her best not to cry as she began.

"It started when I was six we had a family get together there really weren't a lot of kids in my family so my sister Sarah, she was eight that summer. We were playing upstairs we were supposed to have gone to bed ,when our favorite uncle came in he looked at us and said what pretty young ladies you are we both laughed"

Alex paused to take a breath. Liv could sense where this was going and wasn't sure she wanted to hear it but there had to be more because Alex had never even mentioned she had a sister before.

"Lex you don't have …"

"Yes I do" she jumped in taking Liv's hand she continued. "We didn't know anything was wrong or weird until he had followed us back into Sarah's bedroom he had closed the door behind him and then pushed a dresser in front of it he told us to take off our clothes and get on her bed I started crying she told me to just do what he said he had a knife, he posed us and took pictures then he he he "she broke down tears flooding down her face.

"It's ok, take your time" Liv knew that Alex would not want to be treated like a victim but she was out of ideas.

"he raped her while I watched I couldn't do anything she saw screaming so loud but if said if I sat there quite I wouldn't get it as bad, well he didn't rape me that night anyway, but he did do things and then he made us do things to him" she stopped "god I must sound like I am a child right now"

"Alex you were six, you were a child and however you feel is the best way to tell me this is fine, or you can stop" Liv tried to reassure her but what could she do.

"He left that night with the threat that if we said anything he would kill us and our parents. We didn't see him for a month. I don't know why we didn't say anything I mean he was our moms only brother but still he and god those photos thank god the internet wasn't around. I wish I had talked before he came to live with us but we didn't. We were told that he was coming to look after us as my dad was running for office at the time and they didn't want to pay a nanny but that meant he was left alone with us."

She squeezed Olivia's hand tighter as she felt another wave of guilt, anger, fear and most visibly tears filling her body.

"How long did it go on?"

"About a year, some nights he would only go to one room others he would want us together I was lucky in some ways. He said he loved me more and didn't want to hurt me and because I was so little and frail he only used his fingers on me that was until the night he had spent with Sarah he told her I was getting bigger and that he could love us in the same way now . Sarah had come home just a little early from school and broke into my parents' bedroom she went to the safe where dad kept his gun, not sure how she got the code but she did."

Tears pouring down her face Alex knew it was getting harder to breathe she wanted to stop but she was so close to getting this out she had to keep going. By this time Olivia had moved to the side of the couch and was holding Alex in her arms gently brushing her hair.

"Sarah thought that he would go to her room first but he didn't he came to me, she heard my screams as he was inside of me, she knew she was to late but she had to stop him so my nine year old sister ran into my room with a gun drawn, and didn't even think she just shot two bullets to the back, he fell onto the bed. I looked over to my sister who was lying on the floor she had a bullet wound in her chest one of the shots had bounced off the wall. I screamed her name but she wouldn't get up"

Laying her head into Olivia's chest she was crying so hard she didn't think she would ever stop.

"it's ok really , let it out , I'm here for you"

"The cops came a few minutes later, guess the neighbors had called. My parents met me at the hospital the next day by then I had told the cops everything but Sarah was gone and nothing could bring her back. It's my fault I should have told I should have done something and then she'd still be here she wouldn't have died trying to save me"

Alex cried for about an hour Liv was glad she finally knew the truth and that the women she loved had trusted her so much. She had held her in her arms for that hour when the blonde pushed away. She looked into Olivia's eyes and when she saw that she had followed rule number one she couldn't help but cry more.

"How can you look at me like that?"

"Like what" Liv questioned

"Like you still love me, like you love me more"

"I do love you more, you're not a bad person, and none of what you told me was your fault"

"Really are you sure I haven't shattered your perfect vision of Alex Cabot, ice queen"

"Never"

"How can you still hold me, and look at me I'm damaged and broken and used do you know what it's like to be hated by people who are supposed to love you, to be looked at like you're a leper, to wish every day that you were dead do you" she shouted

"Wow Alexandra you really are the ice queen from hell, I know you're hurt and scared but yes I do know what it's like to be trash at least you had parents who stood by you and loved you"

Realizing what she had said Alex felt her heart break how could she be so careless and hurtful. She looked around the room at the melting candles and shook her head.

"I'm so sorry" as she spoke there was a loud crack the power had come back on she looked at Liv who looked as though she could punch something.

"Told you, you would hate me"

And with that Alex bolted from the apartment and ran down the stairs and out onto the buildings porch the streets were still flooded but the rain had let up a bit the blonde fell to the concrete steps and cried as the rain drops hit her face. What had she done.


	5. Bath, Tea and Bedtime

**_A/N:::Hey y'all thanks for the feed back, glad a lot of you like this story. for those of you who feel the need to bash, please go somewhere else if you don't like my story or my writing do not read it. I know I'm not the best writer but I'm trying to get better so if you don't have anything nice, helpful or constructive to say then well I think you know where the back button is. For the rest of you enjoy this chapter._**

* * *

Sitting on the couch she looked around the room with tear filled eyes. Why did she yell at Alex, why did she let her leave, she knew she wouldn't have gone far, her keys and purse was still here. Olivia stumbled to her feet and began to blow out all the candles. She felt her heart break here she was having just found the love of her life and she let her go. Alex must have been hurting after all it couldn't have been easy to tell that story. For the strong and fearless blonde to admit she might be broken but that was ok with liv, she was broken too, and maybe just maybe they could fix each other. With the last candle out and her tears slowly fading she knew she had to go find Alex bring her back here and talk. Olivia grabbed her jacket, keys and cell phone and went in search of her love.

The steps were cold the air was cold in fact she was cold Alex had been sitting on the steps for nearly twenty minutes but could find the strength to move. She had not stopped crying that entire time, she had hurt the woman she loved, and how could she have said that awful thing. Why couldn't she have kept her mouth shut why did she have to tell her anything? But what's done is done the only thing now would be to go and beg forgiveness. Alex pulled herself up and turned to walk back into the apartment building. She stepped in and the warmth hit her like a wave it was then she realized she was shivering. But even the building warmth did not cheer her up as much as the pair of eyes she saw at the bottom of the stairs.

"Olivia"

"Oh my god Alex you're soaked and shivering" she ran to the blonde and threw her jacket over her.

"I'm sorry Liv"

"I know, me too, now please let's get you upstairs and dried off"

Alex did not speak but nodded her head as Olivia led her back to the apartment. They got inside and Olivia went to the bathroom and Alex stood by the kitchen frozen the smell of the blown out candles filled her nose she heard the water being to run she followed her into the bedroom and stood in the doorway to the bathroom.

"What are you doing?"

"Starting you a nice hot bath we have to get you warm"

"Thank you" she said barely above a whisper.

Once the bath was drawn Liv reached for her Jacket and slid past Alex she was about to close the bathroom door when a voice made her pause.

"Don't leave me"

"But you need a bath Lex "

"I know but stay, please"

Olivia could see the hurt in those blue eyes but was this really how she had envisioned seeing her love naked for the first time, no.

"Tell you what , you get in I'll go start a pot of coffee and come back"

"Liv"

"Yes"

"Make it tea"

Olivia nodded and headed for the kitchen to start a pot of hot water. Alex peeled the wet clothes off and laid them on the sink. She was stepping in letting her toes hit the water as Olivia reentered. Olivia scanned the woman's body her ever curve her pale skin her blonde locks falling down around her she was stunning. Alex had slid all the way in the tub before she saw Liv in the doorway. She flashed her smile and motioned for her to sit down next to her. She reached out of the water and took the brunettes hand and kissed it.

"I'm sorry I ran"

"I shouldn't have yelled either"

"I never meant to hurt you Liv; I would never want to hurt you"

"Yes I know, I'm sorry about your sister and all those awful things"

"Thank you and thanks for taking care of me"

"Anytime, I love you Lex, and there is nothing that will ever change that"

"Sure about that" she took her other hand and splashed a puddle of water in Olivia's face both woman laughed.

"Yes I'm sure" as she leaned in and kissed Alex on the lips.

Alex splashed her again getting her shirt wet this time Liv looked into Alex's eyes , the light from that morning was back she was glad that they were going to move past this but right now she was still being pelted with water. A small smirked crossed the blondes face as Olivia leaned back from the tub.

"Counselor are you trying to make me take my top off"

"Me never" she said with a slight giggle.

After about ten minutes Olivia went to go find another set of clothes for Alex, she set a tank top pair of sweats and clean panties on the bed then went back into the bathroom the blonde was smiling up at her and pointed to the towel on the rack. Liv took the towel and held it open. Alex climbed out and the brunette wrapped her in the warm cloth drying her off happy to have her in close. They headed into the bedroom.

"There are fresh clothes there for you; I'll go finish the tea"

"Three spoons of sugar and a drop of honey" she smiled

"Well now I don't think I can put a drop of me in it"

"Oh shut it Liv"

She exited the room and Alex was left alone to dry off and change, the blonde took her time putting on the dry clothes she wanted to think of what to say. She still could not understand why Olivia wasn't mad and how she could still love her. Then again that made Alex wonder how she could truly love anyone if she didn't love herself. She made her way back to the living room and sat on the couch next to Liv who handed her a cup of tea. She took one sip and smiled at the detective.

"Good" liv asked

"Yes thank you it's perfect"

"Like you"

"Don't start Liv"

"But I mean it, your beautiful and strong, sweet and loving "

"Please don't "The blonde shot her a death glare from hell.

"Ok I'm sorry" realizing the woman was not going to believe her, she leaned in and kissed her forehead. She ran her hand over Alex's cheek and tucked a fallen strand of messy blonde hair behind her ear. Olivia smiled seeing the hair brush on the table next to her.

"Sit in front of me on the floor" she told her

"What" the lawyer was more than confused

Olivia pulled the brush up and held it to her. "Calm down consular I just want to brush your hair"

Laughing Alex did as she was told and leaned her head back into Liv's lap

"I can't brush it like that"

"No but you can kiss me like this"

Olivia leaned down and kissed the woman's lips soft and slow they broke apart and Alex moved forward a bit so the other could reach her hair. Liv began to run the brush though the blonde's hair she was shocked at how easy it was to detangle. Alex closed her eyes it had been a while from the last time anyone brushed her hair, she loved having her hair played with she was falling into a slight trance when the brush hit a knot.

"Ouch be gentle" she said reaching for the brush

Liv pulled her hand away so Alex couldn't reach. "I'm sorry"

"It's ok" Alex giggled as Olivia continued to brush her hair.

"So why are you doing all this again" the blonde questioned.

"Are you ever going to stop asking me that?"

"It's just strange to have someone take care of me I've been alone for so long"

"You're not alone; you have me and the guys"

"I know I know "Alex began to cry

Olivia dropped the brush back on the side table and slid down behind Alex. She wrapped her arms around her waist and buried her head in her neck kissing it softly. The blonde laid her head on top of the brunettes.

"Don't ever leave me Liv" Alex whispered.

"I won't, I know your scared Lexi, but we can get through this, you took a big step today"

"I know, a few actually" kissing Liv

"You may not see yourself as perfect, but I want you to know, you're the perfect woman for me"

Alex giggled "that was really cheesy"

The blonde turned around and climbed back onto the couch Liv followed

"Speaking of cheese, what's for dinner?"

It was around seven now they didn't even realized the whole day had passed. The road was still too wet for anyone to be on and Liv's cabinets were empty as normal. Olivia had gotten up to check what was left in the fridge.

"I think that would be leftover pizza or Chinese"

"Eh heat up the Chinese food" Alex said walking into the kitchen

"Sorry I don't have real food"

"It beats ramen" she told her

They ate dinner and watched TV as the cuddled on the couch the rain had finally stopped. But alex knew she didn't want to go home it was Saturday night and Monday they would be back at work she had one more day alone with Liv and she was going to make it count if she couldn't love herself she was going to love Olivia with all her heart. It was eleven when the women decided it was time for bed Liv smiled and kissed Alex as she laid down on the couch.

"What, are you doing" the blonde said in a rather annoyed tone

"Giving you the bed"

"Oh no Olivia Benson, you're coming with me" she pulled Liv up and walked her to the bedroom she closed the door and pushed her onto the bed. She jumped on top of it and kissed her. Then they both curled up under the covers Olivia holding Alex close. As they drifted off to sleep Alex knew there would be no nightmare tonight, she was in the arms of her angel.

* * *

_**A/N::don't kill me I know you all are just waiting for smut, but I like the relationship development. please fav ,follow and review. **_

_**thanks a million **_

_**butterfly2202**_


	6. morning coffee

_**A/N;;;; Hi everyone sorry this update took forever I have been really sick. This chapter is kind of short but I hope you like it anyway. Thanks for all the follows and favs I'm not sure where this story is going and now I have tons of ideas for others so I may start on a new one soon. As always reviews are loved.**_

_**Thanks and enjoy **_

_**Butterfly2202**_

The glow of sunlight filled her bedroom as her eyes opened slowly. She felt warm breath hit the skin on her arm, her brown eyes glanced over and a smile fell across her face. There she was the most beautiful blonde in the world and she was lying next to her. Olivia could not believe it she was in bed with the one and only Alex Cabot. This was what she had wanted for so long, to hold her to kiss her to wake up each morning next to her she was so locked on her thoughts she hadn't noticed the small whimpers coming from the blonde. At first she thought Alex was having a nightmare but then she began to make out the words.

"mmmmm yes , oh yes" those soft pink lips whispered

Olivia tried her best not to laugh she wondered if she should wake her but then again maybe that would just be more torture. The brunette sat up and wrapped an arm around the woman next to her but it was the next set of words that gave her an idea.

"Oh Liv yeah that's it" Alex spoke still fully asleep

"Beats a nightmare" she laughed to herself.

Olivia moved her arm and gently pushed Alex onto her back. She then flipped on top straddling her she slowly began to kiss her, First on her forehead then the right cheek, left cheek, nose and finally on the lips. But the attorney was a slave to her dream state Liv kissed the woman's neck and the moved to her ear she softly began to speak.

"Alex, get up hun" kissing her neck

"Open your eyes beautiful"

Kissing her ear again "Alex"

As her lips moved slowly to meet the others Alex began to stir she was slowly coming into reality. Olivia kissed her again.

Alex could feel someone on her she could hear a voice talking but in her still partial sleep coma she wasn't sure who, her body tensed up out of fear she began to shake she wanted to open her eyes but was afraid of who she would see but that's when another kiss was placed on her lips and she knew she was safe. Her blue eyes fluttered open and she saw her love she had dreamed of waking up this way so many times and now it was real once lips were released she took a deep breath remembering she hadn't relaxed yet. She smiled up at Olivia

"Good morning "she told her leaning up for another kiss.

"Well good morning to you too" Olivia said sitting up and pulling Alex with her.

Ice blue eyes bet that pool of brown and Olivia could tell something was a bit off not bad just off.

"Are you ok Lex?"

"Yeah just a bit startled that's all"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you "

"No no its ok ,it was sweet, I'm glad I made you come with me last night"

"Me to"

"But what prompted that wakeup call" she asked in her best accusation voice.

"You don't know Miss Cabot" Liv spat back

"Well I mean I can't look that good sleeping"

"No but you sure sounded good"

"What are you talking about detective?"

Olivia burst into laughter looking at the woman she had a confused look on her face

"Detective I'm waiting"

"You don't remember you were having an awfully good dream."

She watched as that pale face turned a bright shade of red Alex felt a smile cross her lips as she began laughing also.

"I'm so sorry"

"It's ok it was cute….just like you"

Alex turned her head away from the detective it had been a long time that she had been called cute in anything other than sarcastic terms and now it was being said by someone she loved. Olivia watched as the blonde shied away she was worried for a second and then caught a glimpse of a smile. She cupped her hand and placed it on that pale cheek turning her face back to her and leaning in to kiss her gently.

"Aw did I melt the ice queen" Liv asked playfully

"Shut up"

"Make me "

"As you wish" and with that Alex leaned forward pushing the other woman down on the bed she was hovering on top of her. Bushing her lips against the others cheeks and forehead but not kissing her just yet. Olivia was nearly breathless as she watched the beautiful blonde above her, she was never one to let another take control, but this was Alex the only person she trusted more than Elliot and then again those were for very different reasons. She felt the others hands moving around her body though her hair and down her arms. However it was that slip of the hand into her shirt that let out a small sigh. She would have let out another but was silenced by a kiss. It was a kiss that began sweet lips softly pressed to one another but then gained passion quickly liv was so lost in that kiss she hadn't noticed Alex had pushed her shirt up to her neck. It was the blonde who broke the kiss sliding down and kissing that tan and toned stomach.

"mmmmm" Liv Moaned

Alex pulled back and looked into her love's eyes with that deadly smile she normally only used when she was staring down a criminal in court and giggled. She tugged the shirt back in place and watched.

"No fair" Liv cried

"Got you quite didn't it"

The blonde got up and sat on the edge of the bed she could tell Olivia was mad but dam it was hot and she knew the more she could make her wait the better it would be.

"You shouldn't start things you don't intend to finish"

"Yes but watching you squirm is so much fun"

"Bitch"

"Yup" she stood up and walked to the bedroom door she turned back to the brunette and winked.

"Coffee?" she asked her.

"Always"

Olivia watched as Alex walked out of the room and toward the kitchen. She smiled and shook her head before getting up and heading into the living room.


End file.
